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Wednesday, March 23, 2005

A Message from a Relief Pitcher

Dear Bullpen Car Girls,

I really admire the work y'all are doing. I was talking with an old reliever a couple months ago and he was telling me how he beat the crap out of some smug jerk back in the day during one of them old donnybrooks. It was a great story, but it made me a little sad.

Y'see, every time there's a fight, us relievers end up looking like tools. We run out across the field--and let's face it, we're not very speedy--and by the time we get to home plate, the fight's over and we've done nothing.

I'm a shitkicker, girls. And just for once, I'd like to get up in some bitchass punk's grille and let him know it. The bullpen car would help me get to the fight faster, and us relievers would finally get some credit for being badasses. Because that's what I am. I smoke my own meats, y'know.

So thanks for all your hard work. And is any of you free tonight?

Off like a prom dress,
An anonymous reliever