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Tuesday, March 15, 2005

I assume you kids saw this,

but Joy of Sox suggests we 'print up tshirts with that logo'. Heh. Should I whip up a tshirt logo? The one up there isn't exactly sized for it.

More pertinently, would the universal use of the bullpen car positively influence certain pitchers more than others? I mean, other than the sheer joy to be had from utilizing such a vehicle, what about relievers like Jim Mecir, he of the surgically-corrected clubfeet and permanent limp? OK, so there's pretty much only one Jim Mecir, but still, you see the point here. What about a notoriously overweight and lazy pitcher, your basic David Wells or Franklyn German body type? Might they perform differently if they had the luxury of a snazzy baseball-shaped car in which to frolic?

Also to consider-- would bullpen cars be standardized across teams and leagues? Would everyone have the same car, decorated differently, or would teams make the cars on their own?

I forsee complex conflicts of interest: for instance, in Detroit the various automotive companies would compete to create a spectacular bullpen car, with Ford eventually winning out because Ford owns Detroit (you think I kid. I do not kid). But then the Tigers' owner, Mike Illitch, who also owns Little Ceasers, would insist that the bullpen car feature a giant bust of the distinctive Little Ceasers mascot on the roof. The public complains that there isn't enough bling on the car, and the rims aren't spinning authoritatively enough. The Motown, Garage Rock, and Techno factions begin to war over who gets to dominate the bullpen car sound system. Chaos and anarchy ensues. Detroit burns. Again.

Friends, you and I know the benefits of the bullpen car. But is the league ready for it? After all, with great comedic potential comes great responsibility.

Also, what about dirt-poor teams like the Royals or, I don't know, the A's? Does the league enact some new sort of revenue sharing to ensure that these teams are not stuck driving bullpen cars built by Saturn?